Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition (Rebuilding Books; For Divorce and Beyond) [CD] (Paperback)
Posted on | August 10, 2009 |
Review
“…a handbook for the divorcing and divorced that is authentic and which they can employ in the rebuilding of their own lives.” — Esther Oshiver Fisher, J.D., Journal of Divorce
“…deals with the everyday feelings and problems of the divorcing and divorced… hits just the right balance between seriousness and optimism.” — Florence Kaslow, Ph.D., Journal of Marital and Family Therapy
“I found the book comforting, helpful and realistic — it is going (more…)
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Category: Divorce
Tags: Beyond > Books > Divorce > Edition > Ends > Rebuilding > Relationship > When > Your
Tags: Beyond > Books > Divorce > Edition > Ends > Rebuilding > Relationship > When > Your
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13 Responses to “Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition (Rebuilding Books; For Divorce and Beyond) [CD] (Paperback)”
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August 10th, 2009 @ 12:22 pm
A friend lent me this book when my husband left me and I was in the depths of dispair. I was reading anything I could find to try and help me understand, but this is the one book that really helped. I latched onto it like a life-preserver to a drowning person. I have read each chapter several times now, and keep getting more out of it as I progress in my healing. I returned my friend’s copy and bought my own (which I have now in turn lent to a friend in need.)
One of the revelations I found comforting was simply to know what the physical symptoms of grief are - that my sore throat, my aching chest and my dry mouth were all manifestations of my emotional trauma.
This book felt like I was talking to a friend who had been there and back, and could take me by the hand through the healing process and help me find my way back to joy. Please read it if you are hurting from the loss of a relationship - it will comfort you a great deal and help you move forward constructively. Then lend it to someone you know who could be helped by it.
August 10th, 2009 @ 4:54 pm
5.0 out of 5 stars
when you need a good friend…
As many of you know, going through a divorce can be (and usually is) a devastating experience. Plenty of people get through them and you know that, but it’s hard to believe YOU…
August 10th, 2009 @ 5:01 pm
In its third printing, this book is a self-help manual for those trying to recover from a divorce, or going through the process of divorce. The first thing I noticed about Rebuilding is the feelings that surface during this trying and stressful period of your life are identified. When we are really suffering, it is hard sometimes, to analyze what we are feeling. Is it pain? Depression? Self-hate? All of the above? It is comforting to read that you learn we are not alone in our pain and confusion and that given the circumstances, the turmoil you are experiencing is quite normal. As each emotion is explored, the reasons for them are also examined. An example from another who has suffered the same misery is given, then the best part–what we can do with and about those upsetting, hurtful and sometimes hateful feelings that want to pull us under and drown us. For example, Chapter 7 looks at the two, ” . . . very strong feelings which accompany the trauma of divorce–guilt and rejection. Advice given is to do a self-examination. Do we need to learn new ways of relating to people? Do we realize that feeling rejected is a part of ending any relationship? It’s normal. It’s natural. There is nothing wrong with us. Whew! If you are the one leaving the relationship, you are probably feeling guilt. You don’t want to hurt someone you do or did love. However, say Fisher and Alberti, “To end a love relationship may be appropriate because it has been destructive for both people.” Leaving can be a good thing for both people in the relationship. The chapter continues to describe the emotional cycles the “dumpers” (the one ending the relationship) and the “Dumpee” (the one being rejected) go through. Fisher and Alberti acknowledge not everyone is going to react the same, but no one escapes the pain. No matter how we are affected, though, we must remember guilt and rejection are tied to feelings of self- worth and self-love. Build up these two areas and we will be less devastated by life’s inevitable rejections. And how do we go about building our self-worth. Chapter 11 tells us how to go about that. The end of each chapter has a “How Are You Doing?” section. A list of questions will help us think our way through our dilemmas and offer ideas with which we can rebuild our lives. I like this book because it forces us to do something besides sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves. There are ways to work through relationships that end, and we have the power and the tools to do it. We don’t have to feel helpless. I like this book because it acknowledges we are not alone with our feelings. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We can go on to live a normal, happy life. It gives us hope. Bruce Fisher, Ed.D., (1931-1998) was the founder and director of the Family Relations Learning Center in Boulder, Colorado. He was a divorce therapist, author, teacher and a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Robert E. Alberti, Ph.D., is a psychologist marriage & family therapist, Fellow of the American Psychological Association, clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and author/coauthor of several books. A 287-page volume that demands us to do some work, but it is well worth the effort.
August 10th, 2009 @ 7:26 pm
This book is a self-help manual for those trying to recover from a divorce, or going through the process of divorce. “Rebuilding” is the feelings that surface during this trying and stressful period of your life are identified. It is comforting to read that we are not alone in our pain and confusion and that given the circumstances, the turmoil you are experiencing is quite normal. As each emotion is explored, the reasons for them are also examined. An example from another who has suffered the same misery is given, then the best part–what we can do with and about those upsetting, hurtful and sometimes hateful feelings that want to pull us under and drown us. The chapter continues to describe the emotional cycles the “dumpers” (the one ending the relationship) and the “Dumpee” (the one being rejected) go through. Fisher and Alberti acknowledge not everyone is going to react the same, but no one escapes the pain. No matter how we are affected, though, we must remember guilt and rejection are tied to feelings of self-worth and self-love. Build up these two areas, and we will be less devastated by life’s inevitable rejections. The end of each chapter has a “How Are You Doing?” section. A list of questions will help us think our way through our dilemmas and offer ideas with which we can rebuild our lives. I like this book because it forces us to do something besides sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves. There are ways to work through relationships that end, and we have the power and the tools to do it. We don’t have to feel helpless. I like this book because it acknowledges we are not alone with our feelings. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We can go on to live a normal, happy life. It gives us hope.
August 10th, 2009 @ 8:47 pm
5.0 out of 5 stars
Recovery & rebuilding when a relationship is gone
This book of work is very simply put together. It is truly designed to help us understand the forces within us that cloud our ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel…
August 10th, 2009 @ 11:41 pm
4.0 out of 5 stars
A Terrific Guide to the Post-Divorce Wilderness
I read this book not long after my divorce, and while doing research for my book on divorce He’s History, You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After 40 and found it really helpful.
August 11th, 2009 @ 6:17 am
4.0 out of 5 stars
Rebuilding (after divorce) - book review
Good book to help you get grounded and understand the feelings you are going through, if this is your first time in this situation.
August 11th, 2009 @ 7:46 am
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Great Book for a Fresh Start
The end of a relationship can be difficult. Whether you are the one who initiates the break-up or are on the receiving end of it, “Rebuilding,” is a helpful tool to move you…
August 11th, 2009 @ 1:18 pm
3.0 out of 5 stars
self-help book
Ordered for a friend who doesn’t do computers. I know nothing of the book but she does.
August 11th, 2009 @ 5:05 pm
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent therapy
This book was recommended by a professional I’m seeing for grief counseling following my divorce. It has reiterated many of the ideas we’ve discussed in my counseling sessions and…
August 11th, 2009 @ 8:47 pm
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great resource!
It’s been about a year since I read this book but it came at a time when I really needed it.
Close to two years ago my husband left.
August 12th, 2009 @ 1:22 am
5.0 out of 5 stars
Best Advice for anyone going through heartbreak.
When I was going through my divorce, I was devastated. My psychologist, Maria, recommended this book.
August 12th, 2009 @ 5:42 am
5.0 out of 5 stars
very good and helpfull
It was really good, help me a lot to undestand my feelings and find a method to cope during and after divorce..